OKay so I am so ashamed. 

I have not posted since before Easter becuase I am so ashamed! While on vacation for Easter I gained 2 lbs....you would think that I would ahve been so strcit this week that I would have already lost those 2lbs plus some since for the last 2 weeks I was loosing about 2lbs a day! Well, you would think that but I haven't! I have been keeping my calories under 1000 but I am averaging about 800 calories a day!

What's wrong with me....why don't I just get business taken care of???? Why don't I love myself enough to know and DO what I know I need to???? I still have not even made my goal for last week....I am like 6 lbs away from it....add that on top of the fact that I can just feel my depression creeping in and you havea recipe for diaster....

I wish my husband would stop praising me for looking better and telling me how beautiful I am....I wish he would tell me the truth that I am revolting and touching me is like hugging a rolling ball of lard....I am so disappointed in myself and in the fact that I have lost sight of my discipline. What a looser I am....wai though I am not a looser I am gainer EVEN WORSE!!!!! I should be ashamed to leave my house. It is unfair to the rest of the human race to offend them with the sight of me...UGH!

Alright ladies....I need some inspiration!!!!

I have slowed down to loosing only about one pound per day.....which is so frustrating!!!!! I have a minimum of 8.5 lbs left in my goal BY SUNDAY!!!!!!! I am thinking that it will just be tums, gum, and water the rest of the week.....I have soooooooo much more to go until my goal weight....and the short term goals are nice but it has just slowed down so much and it makes it that much harder to focus on my long term goal....any speed it up tips?

so I totally binged tonight on taco bell and chocolate so glad I was able to purge
As soon as I did i was sick atleast the Kids saw me eat.... really hoping to be down another 4 to 6 lbs by Monday.....my husband is home for the weekend so this is propably my last post for the weekend wish me luck ladies and I will check in on Monday with an update stay strong and think thin

So this morning marks day 3 for me....and according to the scales this morning I am down 4.75lbs....I was really hoping for more....I need to lower my calorie intake from 5 hundred to 250 and take in mroe fluids....good luck to all other fighting this same battle!

So it is 4:41 and I feel hungry but it is that good hungry where you know that it is doing good things....How can something feel two ways at one time???? Time to distract....

That means in 1 day I am down 2.25

tricked again....ever wonder how many times a day we are tricked/trapped into eating...I had nearly made it an entire day without having eaten more than 400 calories then in a moment of weakness without even thinking there I am eating ice cream with out daughter....might as well add 200 more calories....so that means failure.....

So like a moroon I have had 2 VENTI Honey Frappacinno's this morning and now I am maxed out on calories for the day....as a matter of fact I am way more than maxed out....

On another front: I am getting nervous about my husband being back home permenantly at the end of the month.  I mean don't get me wrong I am THRILLED that the new branch is opening here and the kids are totally excited but the part that is worrisome is how to avoid the food issue with him.  I mean he will want a big sit down dinner every night and he is already suspicious of the purging.....I am gonna just have to busy myself and come up with a mental list of excuses....then there is Easter coming up and my birthday....it all takes so much planning to avoid food.  I mean have you ever thought about how FOOD is everywhere in our society? No wonder we are all overweight.....